From Waiting to Blessing 

A lot of us have lost it when it comes to waiting, most especially when the idea of waiting is for true love. People nowadays appreciate the value of life and love more when time isn’t involved, when they don’t have to deal with pauses and delays. We often like it quick and easy.

True love. Who wouldn’t demand something so beautiful right away? 

My story of waiting for love isn’t a smooth one. I had my fair share of this whole true-love-waits. I was misled, shut down, and taken for granted; and for quite some time, I was exhausted and annoyed at my fate. 

Therefore, I began to express myself in the most effective avenue I know which is prayer.Instead of hanging around and figuring out something that’s not even for me to decide, I soak my feelings and yearnings to God and Mary. 

Slowly, I began to grasp that waiting is not fooling around with relationships. It is not testing all the waters. It is not giving into everything then picking which one is better. It isn’t selecting a man. It is choosing God and deciding to act on His will through prayers.

I started to let go of my human-thinking and give way to the thoughts of God. Suddenly, my desires don’t matter anymore. It occur to me that waiting is a slow surrender to His will; a painful yet joyful anticipation of His tangible love. I learned to wait for no one but God and realized waiting isn’t as bad as it sounds because it is in waiting that we let God finish shifting things in our favor.

After every gift that arrives, there is still tons of waiting to do for God doesn’t run out of favors. But this time, there’s an extra joy because I’m not waiting alone anymore.

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BLUE OVER RED

By default, I was taught about the color positioning of the Philippine flag at a normal state; the moment it turns upside down, the country is at war. Pretty simple if you think about it—but not when you are threatened by the thought of it.

Unity is at risk as I write this. Rebels untamed, houses in flame, people in pain. But I’m not here to add to the existing complaints, rather to refresh a wish not worth giving up on—hope.

Hope to cut off cruelty and violence and chaos; to calm the hearts of those fueled with hatred. Hope that all who are lost be guided; that we be reminded that they can take away possessions, properties, lives, but they can never take away our hope.

We will hope.

Hope to recognize humanity even when it hides itself, to give love no matter how many times we see its absence, to restore faith despite claims of its impossibility, and to seek for strength even when it gets transfered into nonsense cowardice.

We will continue to stand because this nation knows well enough that rough times call for solidarity. We will continue to grow and expect a tomorrow, knowing that living in fear will only make them win. We will continue to believe that this nation is our home, and our home still has something good left in it.

To His Consistent Pillar of Support ❤

To his bestfriends in the world. To his brother, ate and atudz, thank you.

You were the calm to his stormy days. You bring stability to his chaos. You light up his life during his most tiring times and you pushed him to take one more step when he was on the verge of giving up.

You are his unwavering certainty in this wildly unpredictable world.

We may not know what will happen in a few years, or even in a couple of months, but I know you will always be around.

You see the best in him even at his worst. You believe in him when he feel hopeless. You build him up when he hit rock bottom.

Thank you for being his source of comfort when loneliness creeps up to him after his heartbreaks. You talk to him until his tears dry and start laughing at your silly jokes. You stay on the phone with him for hours and you accompany him to all the places he wanted to go just so to cheer him up. You make him realize he deserve so much more than the things that made him cry.

Thank you for being his pillar of support when he is at his weakest. You made him smile when all he wanted to do was cry.

In the face of failure and adversity, you reassure him that he is so much stronger than that. You willingly render him with all your help and you help him to overcome his struggles with him together.

To you all, I am grateful that you were with him when I was not there.

With you, he withstood the test of time and distance. It has weathered many hardships and overcomes all odds.

You are his constants in this ever-changing life. You are his sidekicks and partners in crime, forever having each other’s back.

For making so many unforgettable memories together and celebrating with him at every important milestone. For traveling with him on this crazy journey called life. For encouraging him to leave his fears behind and chase after his dreams. For healing his broken heart and showing him that happiness is possible as long as he want it. For loving him unconditionally no matter what happened. Thank you!

I may not be able to say this personally but I hope you’ll be able to read this and when you read this you’ll know how thankful I am for being with him all through his journey. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

To the Times We Got it Wrong

Here’s to all the words we left unsaid,

and the lies we told instead.
Here’s to all the texts we left unanswered
because our pride was more important.

Here’s to all the times we’ve let go.
when we should’ve hold on
Here’s to all the times we believed
that we could change hearts.

Here’s to all the times we fought so hard
for a losing battle
and the times we broke our own hearts
going after the ones who we don’t want.

Here’s to the days we spent waiting
for a text or a call that never came.
Here’s to the nights we spent crying.

Here’s to all the times we got it wrong,
loving those who we ever cared,
trying to catch those who run away.

Here’s to all the times we forgot our own worth
and forgot what kind of love we’re looking for.
Here’s to all the times we gave up on love
and settled for almosts and maybes.

Here’s to all the lessons we learned
and the mistakes we made.
They taught us how to love ourselves
and walk away from those who can’t.

They taught us that the wrong things
could lead us to the right things.
That maybe we got it wrong before
but we’re going to get it right someday.

PERSISTENCY

I may have doubts about whether I’ll ever get where I wanted to be. I may think that I am stuck where  I am because I was meant to be here. I may think that because I haven’t realized them yet, my dreams just aren’t for me.

I’m still being persistent that simply this isn’t the case.

I may have failed. Made wrinf decisions and regret things.

But those are just an illusion, an idea that I get stuck on when I compare myself from the perspective of where I am versus where I want to be. I know this just a temporary place of rest, and although I may get tired, I couldn’t live in a place of defeat, even if I wanted to.

Defeat is not a choice I can accept.

My dreams will always push me up and out of it.

This process is what we call destiny, the concept that ancient ages conveyed in their tales of heroes and villains.

The hero is myself. The villain is my struggle to take the throne that I am born to claim. And everyone knows the hero always prevails.

If the hero hasn’t slain the dragon, the story isn’t over.

My dream was born in me because some part of me knew I am capable of fulfilling it. It came from the infinite void within me, the same place of energy that created everything on earth. I have no choice but to live my adventure out in all of its blood and glory.

It may feel like I’ve tried at something a thousand times. I may have had my heart broken and my hopes shattered, but I am still alive. I am still fighting.  I am writing this because there’s a hope in me that hasn’t burned out yet, despite all the blood on my hands.

All the things I’ve experienced that I think mean failure are just the splintered steps I climbed to get to the castle.

I am stronger for my pain. My heart is still beating. I will get there.

And one day, as I look out over the kingdom of all I’ve created, I’ll realize everything in it. Until then, I need to trust the process. Fight with my whole heart. See my scars as reminders of the battles I fought to earn my place of rest. Because we only appreciate what we earn. 

Silence: Uncrowding my heart

Silence. It’s something that we say we want but struggle to actively do.

As a human, we are made to sit in silence or time-out and think about what we’ve done.

In grade school, we are separated from our friends, to keep us quiet and minimize disruption in the classroom.

The act of practicing silence has been negatively associated with a form of discipline to correct a behavior.

Now as an adult, I understand that silence is needed more than I could have ever imagined. There’s so much chaos in the world, life’s responsibilities and constant connectivity with the phone that it often takes an act of Congress to set aside time to just be still and silent. This is still a disciplined task that has to be learned until I acquire it as a routine part of my day and even then it takes me actively choosing to be silent.

But why is it important?

With the constant tug of everything pulling at me, it is important that I dedicate time to sit in silence to hear from our Heavenly Father. He cares about the things going on within me and He wants nothing more than for me to cast it all on Him and allow Him to speak life into my situation.

God doesn’t want to compete with the distractions of the world but desires to see us make time to be in fellowship with Him, not just on Sundays but in those quiet, still moments throughout the week.

It is only through those quiet moments that the words of the Lord can leap into our hearts and give us peace that truly surpasses our understanding.

But how do we quiet our minds when everything is pulling for our attention?

It will take time to practice and learn how to quiet our minds. It may seem silly at first, but trust that the process of it all will be greater once it becomes part of a daily routine. Practicing being quiet also gives us the opportunity to carefully consider the things that usually consume our time: television, social media, cell phone.

 The Lord may not tell us everything in that moment but He’ll make us alert of the signs along the way. Regardless of what it can be, it is important to remain alert to whatever He wants to show us.

 I want to feel His presence and know that He is with me and is there to help me with difficult decisions. I don’t want to just pray and go about my day but truly give Him the opportunity to speak.

When we sit down with our friends, we talk to them but also give them an opportunity to talk as well. It’s the same when we sit with our God. He wants an opportunity to be given a chance to talk to us too. I can’t imagine how many times I’ve left Him at the table because I was in a hurry to pray and start my day.

Lord, help me to get comfortable in the quiet, still moments. Show me the importance of stopping and removing distractions to spend time in your presence. I don’t want to talk over you but help me to discipline myself long enough to hear what it is that you have to say.

EVERY PERSON

Every person is a wound waiting to be opened by the gentlest fingertips;

every person is a memory waiting to be forgotten as time passes on like a habit;

every person is a shadow waiting to disappear in the light from heaven;

every person is a story waiting to be told to an audience who is on the verge of falling asleep;

every person is a tragedy waiting to make people cry and feel thankful that it’s not them for once;

every person is a raindrop that falls and loses its identity in the ocean of raindrops;

every person is a hurricane of pain and pleasure that makes even angels weep with envy;

every person is a dream that lingers even after it’s bound to forgotten;

every person is a scream into the valley where no sound travels;but of pain;

every person is different but every person is the same; every person is a paradox in some kind of way;

every person is the source of their own grief;

even person is an emergency exit door that nobody reaches when a fire breaks out;

every person is a constellation of stars that cannot be seen because of pollution in the sky;

every person is a blanket that keeps one warm when it’s cold out;

every person is its own Sun and moon, something to revolve around, something to shape your life around,

every person is the hands of a clock, chasing itself over and over again,

every person is a wound that never heals but bleeds at the slightest touch of memory.

Overwhelming Life

The older we get the more overwhelming life seems to get. 

The further we go into this whole “life” thing, the more stress that seems to get added to our plate. If only we could go back to the days of fighting over who gets to use the swing first and worrying if we would get to have dessert after dinner.

The longer life goes on, the more challenges we are faced with. The longer life goes on, the more difficult situations we are placed in. 

The older we get, the more mature we have to be to make decisions that affect a whole lot more than they once did when we were younger.

I think we can all agree that life doesn’t get easier with age. If anything, it just seems to continue to get a lot harder.

This may be true, but one thing that comes with each tough situation we are forced to overcome is strength. The more crappy things we are handed, the more strength we are forced to find in ourselves to overcome them.

As life continues, we learn to survive. We learn to survive against all odds. We learn to survive no matter what we have been faced with.

Sometimes we even have to ask ourselves how we are doing this. We find ourselves going through the motions during a horrible week wondering how it is even possible that we have survived so much.

Whatever the answer may be, you are surviving. Whatever the answer may be, you are surviving because you found the strength inside of you to do so.

Each bad thing we are faced with is preparing us for something that will happen in the future.

With each difficult time, we are building up more strength to conquer the next obstacle.

So when you find yourself lost and life becomes too overwhelming, remember how far you have come.

Remember your strength.

Remember your resilience.

You have survived everything before and you will survive this too.

One day at a time.

08.21.17

​When I’ve been with you for the first time this month, I stopped breathing. I felt like everything was going in slow motion. For one precious second in the universe, it was just the two of us. It was the handsome boy with hopeful eyes looking at the simple girl who dared to hope as well. For that one moment, it felt like nothing had changed. For that one moment, there was hope for the two of us. If you only knew how I could see the infinite galaxies in your eyes. I could see all the pain, all the happiness, all the misplaced hope, and most of all, the love. I could feel the love radiating from the top of my head to the tips of my toes even after everything that’s happened. That’s when I knew it was never going to be over between us.

Though I thought it was over. I told myself over and over again it was over and I have started believing in it. For a little while it did work. I really thought I didn’t want you anymore. I thought I no longer wanted you in my life to make me feel safe and happy. I thought I didn’t need to hear your voice full of hope playing like a broken record in my head. I thought my heart would no longer sink when you talked to me again. I thought I wouldn’t feel my whole being soar when you smiled at me. I missed you so much, but I have no idea what to do with us. Everything is always so confusing. So I end up being so reckless, stupid, and immature. Until one night the universe tried to conspire for us. We agree to be friends again, try to work things out again, so we get back together and the cycle begins once again. 

Within these days I realized you’re always been in my heart,though you leave but you didn’t left.  I realized that it’s so difficult to quit you when I’m still into you.

Right now I am afraid of all the unusual. I can’t even put into words how it’s tearing inside to even fathom a life without you in it. I can’t even imagine living a life where we will never do the things we’re used to. That we’re never going to take those long random conversations. I cannot even imagine that none of this will be left that everything will disappear and will be a random memories.

I still have a million things to say but I’m getting too long and this might bored you already. So yes, I’ll be ending this with my heartfelt gratitude. Thank you for everything. I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to have you again. I just really hope and pray that things will work well this time. 

Please know that I will always think of you fondly. I could never regret you. You will always be my favorite lesson. Finally, please know that there’s no words that can contain how lucky and thankful I am for having you again! 

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